Reincarnation hypothesis - 73

The personality is not reborn, perhaps a new personality or character is being perfected through all of a being's life.

Poem - 73/74?

I sit
alone
and tortured
by things that are unreal.

I wish
to love,
(to be loved)
my selfish, youthful zeal.

I hate
this god
damned poem
its useless, whining squeal.

Theatrical Realism - early 1974

Sitting,
quiet,
waiting-
to be good
and seen to be
   and-
knowing that-
to be
is no good.
is sham
so-
on
and on
and on.
looking
seeing oneself
in volleys
like tennis
or
a good debate.
theatrical realism

Carlos Castaņeda

Para mí sólo recorrer los caminos que tienen corazón, cualquier camino que tenga corazón. Por ahí yo recorro, y la única prueba que vale es atravesar todo su largo. Y por ahí yo recorro mirando, mirando, sin aliento.  

For me there is only traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.

- Carlos Castaņeda
The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge  

Trip August 1973

7/28/73

Waited, bathed, met Sarah 12:30. Ate, left at 14:00. Left 14:00, walked to top road, Upper Sheringham, got ride Holt 2 people red 4-door. Walked long way got ride 32 miles to King's Lynn. Blue 2-door, dog. Ride, Texans 4-door green inside - walked - ride other side town black Morris Minor 1000. Old man talked two girls to Cambridge, stop little port. Fish and chips, walk, ride to Cambridge with woman. Tan Mini, to Y.H. [Youth Hostel] Full, church with Austrian. Last three me, Austrian, N. Californian 9 1/2 months Europe. Walked for food - circle, back past YH restaurant. Two Ohio - Israeli friends eat wine - white carafe chilled - back, brilliant piano playing - wash - write - bed about 22:45.

7/29/73

Woke 7:40, wash, Austrian left, went to YH and we dropped off packs. Walked through Cambridge 9:00 - dead empty on to Magdalene street ate cold chips got pint milk each - ginger coke. Walked through colleges - 11:00 tour til 13:00. Walked a lot - lunch Indian restaurant - lentil soup - plain rice. Walk up to Frinke showing - back for 15:30 service at King's College Chapel. Back to YH, wait from 16:45 to 17:45 in queue. Got in YH now 19:05.

(8/2/73) cont. Went Madrigals on punts - King's Backs - back - slept.

7/30/73

Woke - ate - wash up - back to dorm £8 nicked - went Warden he took address nothing to do. Mr. Harbert left (Am. from York, CA) Had shower left at 10:30 after closed. Walked out of Cambridge - bought food - got ride past 2 girl hitchers - sitting - ride - tan mini to London 2 students - road  to St. Albans - walk - black man - silver estate - St. Albans. Saw Cathedral - walked through park - walked long - (hotdog) side of road - lift white new car bloke - into Hemel Hempstead - woman (Renault?) Tring. Truck to west of Oxford - short lift blue estate to main road. Lift to Swindon and out then 2 men and 1 woman in car to Chippenham. To Bath weird talk of Nixon. Next bloke talk prostitutes. Then VW blond hippie. Walk - dark - finally lift in BCHC no springs, real Devon. Started smoking next ride one thumb. Mini local gov. and Motorway. Night.

7/31/73

Same people put me up - got ride to Minehead YH. to door and met Pete, Clive, Ollie, Glyn. downtown sit wall - arcade - bumper cars - golf.  Look at seagull (sub: £5-) chow mein for 2. Pub. Cider. Spill. Pie - back (look at) store milk. (smoking all day) cards cook sleep.

8/1/73

Sew trousers cook (soft eggs) - leave - hitch with Pete - walk - taxi - walk - pt. milk - ride coffee - 2 mi. W. Porlock. Walk - hill - 6 mi. UPHILL (YH) Lunch cider - YH dinner - back town - gal cider - hill - talk - cards and 2 girls chess and draughts. Sleep. (smoke all day)

8/2/73

Up - cook (hard eggs) duty (windows) Leave, give 1/3 gal cider to Pete and hitch with Ollie 1 hr. Wait sign "INSTOW" ride old lady Corgy dog to Barnstaple - ride (waits and shouts "ERE") Instow walk up 3/4 mile meet GHK drop pack go town rain - lobster pot (smoke all day) cards eat and drink much tea go back rain again sit in bike shed. Look at cards and trick smoke bordom - in YH wash clothes cook curry (chiken) cycle for fags - shower - sleep.

8/3/73

Up. Alpen - leave friends - ask address and buy food. Walk most to and small ride to Bideford and then much rain ride Torrington - walk talk old man - on - (chain smoked 8 fags and quit) bought honey and walked til milk lorry came ride to 4 mi out of Winkleigh - walked ride in van going to Exeter (26 mi. more) to Winkleigh - walk Rolls Royce ride Adrian knows Liz. to Automated Cheese factory - shopping in  N. Taunton. Drive 'round - ditch - house - boy - family - H. addict - sat - telly - ate - dinner rice TV - guitar write and draw on thighs is now today caught up log. 

8/4/73

Sleep soon, now 24:30. 8/4-13 stay at Liz's. Yesterday went river met Lyn and Rizzy - live in converted barn make instruments and have under year baby. Spent most of time reading and talking with Rob and Liz and Bill. Sleep around 24:00 every night and wake around 10:00 to 12:00.

8/14/73

Washed clothes at Liz's - started smoking again. met Dick?

8/15/73

Woke 9:00 Breakfast. Dried clothes. Sewed patches. Dnner (lunch) left at 14:30. Taken to Bude road. Second car stopped. Ride to 4 mi out of Boscastle. Ride into Boscastle bought food, fags, was given water (cooking oil) bottle. Talked to N.T. man about coast path he filled my water bottle. Climbed up hill at harbour then down into cove. Walked up through waist-high gorse and bracken also lavender flowered bushes. Walked a ways then camped. Slept restless.

8/16/73

Woke 8:00 walked, dried ground sheet. Ate breakfast. Walked to Tintagel on way saw 3 beaches, 2 used, 1 empty. Tintagel - left pack at cafe went into town from 13:00 to 15:30 - sent postcards. Got money and food and about 3 ice creams. Walked on to Hole beach ate and rested. Talked to man, then to Tregardock. N.T. talked to some campers. Coffee, sleep 22:00.

8/17/73 - Woke 6:00

Contemporary account ends here. I think I ended up near Readymoney cove in Fowey, Cornwall, staying with a fascinating family. Attended 'Floral Dance' - pagan dance through town.  Had ear pierced here. Read Colin Wilson's 'The Occult' by candlelight. Stayed in faux cell (converted kennel). Then hitched to Scotland and the Isle of Sky.

Mallorca to London - 12/(08-14)/72

12/08/72

Up 9:00am, pack, pack, eat, leave house as 10:30. Stand Palma Road. Get ride fast good driver and kid. Arrive Palma 11:30. Go to ticket office. Closed at 12:00, should close at 1:00pm. Walk around till now 2 o'clock. Ate at small cafe at 3:00. Looked for grocery or glove shop didn't find one. Walked down Generalissimo and around the puerto to where the ferries leave and read. (I didn't have a ticket yet and I thought there was no way to get one until tomorrow.) I've just got a ticket 3rd class (the cheapest) 250 ptas. (About $4 to go 100 miles on boat) Took the boat after eating 2 sandwiches, slept pretty well.

12/09/72

Got to Barcelona 9:00. Bought some food and note book and pen. Went to Cataluna to Bank of Spain and they won't change my money. Am now at Glorias Square writing 'Paris'. [on cardboard?] Got a ride on the Auto-Pista to about 70 km from Gerona walked along the road hitching for 3 hours and decided to try and get on the Auto P. again. (I was on the older road) Got ride to and then back to the same place. Ride at 5pm 20km with some kids. Walked, got ride to Gerona, walked, ride to Figuras. Walked, camped in some orchard next to a camping place about 12 midnight (it got dark at 5 o'clock)

12/10/72

Slept til about 7 or 7:30am not too badly. Got up packed and walked a ways to here. I don't think I'll get any rides til later, now 9:00. (The skin on side of my thumbnail is splitting) Walked and got a ride to just past the Spanish border, walked 4 people through French border, ate and walked. Got a ride with 2 Americans in motor caravan. Ate lunch with them, long ride. Walked, ride with 2 French in VW bus got out to got on Auto Route am now on Auto Route freezing and wishing I never started, 8:30pm. Walked back a ways and went to sleep about 9 or 9:30pm.

12/11/72

Woke at 8:00, pack and up and write 8:40 now hike. Got a ride in a truck on Auto-route to 7 km from Avignon at 13:00. got a ride to 30 km from Paris, now 13:10. Got taken home to their house. Ate dinner and slept at about 22:00-22:30.

12/12/72

Got up at 7:00. Took a shower and breakfast, bowl of coffee and bread. Left 8:00, got ride to Pont d'Ivry. Saw Notre Dame. Went to Lourve but is closed on Tuesday. Now to see Arc de Triomphe and Eiffel Tower. Metro to Arc and walk to Tower. Like Tower most but would like to see all of Paris, sunny and summer. Most of day very light drizzle. Bought Mal's present and a candle Buddha. I like the Buddha but have nothing to do with it and feel bad about buying it. Try to take it back tomorrow. Walked nearly all day. (Except at a movie to rest at "From Russia with love" with no food except breakfast, 5 figs and a pastry.) A French girl asked asked me for directions once in French. Am eating now. Everything sure gets more cheerful when you eat! Ate, walked around trying to find a toilete. Changed in an alley. Got back to station at about 0:50. It was closed, everything wet, so I got a hotel room, 21f. Sleep at 1:00 or 1:30.

12/13/72

Woke at 8:00, ate, room should cost 15f 10:30. Traded back candle, left Paris. Meet South African girls, rain, car ride truck ride, with all. Toll booth, they got ride, [I] stood. I got ride to Bethune with 3 French girls. Got several small rides, made it to Calais (center of town) and walked to hoverport (4 miles) and slept in a control booth.

12/14/72

---

 (01/06/13) That's all I wrote at the time, but the next day (12/14/72) was like this:

Was woken in the booth by a car to ask about getting a ticket - I told them I didn't sell tickets but would like to go to the ticket office with them to get a ferry pass. Free ferry ticket. Train to London, arrived after nightfall to mother's mother's flat. Madge's husband Ted answered the door saying, "Oh, it's you then." An anticlimactic moment was had by all. My folks arrived a few days later by van.

Story - 11/04/85

Theo had been to the Little Theatre a few times. Then it was to see plays, tonight he was going to usher. He felt more awkward than usual. And he usually felt awkward.

Hilary, his surrogate mother, introduced him to Susan Maxwell then left. He would be assisting her tonight. Susan was small, blonde and had wide cheek-bones. Theo wished he was somewhere else.

When Hilary had suggested he help out it had sounded like a good idea. A chance to get involved in something. And he could see the show for free. Theo spent most of his time on his own and often felt left out. But now he had to talk to this girl.

"How long have you been staying with the Lefftons?"

"Since last summer when my folks went back to the States. I was already enrolled at Wymondham, and I like it here anyway, so I stayed with Hilary and Tomas during the Holidays."

"Do you like it? A boarding school must be quite different from American schools."

"Well, it was ok, but I got kicked out last month."

"Oh, expelled, what happened?"

"They caught me smoking a couple of times and then, during a room search, they found some cigarettes and stuff. That was it."

This wasn't going well at all. Theo felt like a prime example of crass americanism. He asked Susan if she would show him what he was supposed to do. She explained how to seat people and showed him where the ice cream was kept in a back room. He learned the prices and how to set up the trays for intermission.

Then people started coming into the theatre and they were busy for the rest of the night. Theo ended up having a good time.

The next few weeks Theo kept busy, waiting at the Burlington Hotel restaurant during the day and ushering most nights. He worked with Susan several times and found out it wasn't too hard to talk with her.

One Saturday Susan wasn't ushering, but Thomas, Hilary and Susan's family had come to the theatre. After the show they all went over to the Leffton's house for coffee. They had all settled in the front parlor, with a nice fire going when Sarah, Susan's mother, suggested Theo go and get Susan.

It was a beautiful evening so he took his time as he walked the few blocks to the house. Susan let him in and introduced him to David.

"Hi, I'm Theo Alexander. Susan, your mother sent me over to see if you'd like to come join us. She and your brothers are at my house and we've been talking about the new play."

"That sounds like fun. David and I have to work out some details about the campaign, then we'll go over. Would you like some tea?"

"No thanks."

"Well sit down and we'll be through in just a minute."

Susan had told him something about the upcoming election. She was a Young Liberal and campaigning for the local Liberal candidate. Theo didn't care about that stuff, anyway. What was bothering Theo was this David person. And the way Susan was so involved in talking to him. Look at the two of them. Sitting on the couch waving their hands in the air. He didn't like David at all. He hoped Susan wasn't planning on bringing this guy over to the house too, that would ruin the whole evening.

Theo tried to interject a few intelligent sounding comments which really didn't come off. He didn't know anything about the local political situation. Slowly it dawned on him that he was jealous. He hadn't thought about it before, but he really liked Susan. And here she was talking to David. Theo hoped he didn't look like a fool.

It seemed like a long time with these thoughts running around his head, but in a few minutes David got up and left. Susan and Theo walked to the Leffton's house. When they got there Theo sat in the chair that was hard to get back out of, then Susan sat on the floor in front of him and leaned back against his leg.

He had thought he was confused before but now it felt as though his mind would explode. She liked him. She must, or she wouldn't have sat there. But he thought she liked this David. The way they had talked. But here she was, leaning against his leg. He could feel the warmth of her back. He wasn't quite comfortable yet he didn't dare move. Theo didn't join in the conversation very much that night. He didn't hear very much of it. He was happy. He went to bed Happy.

He woke up Happy. He went to the Burlington and served breakfast. Then he rushed over to Susan's house. She was alone. They made some tea and went out in the back yard. It was a wonderful day. The sky was solid blue, there was a quiet breeze blowing off the sea. They sat on the grass and talked. About everything. They kissed.